Simplifying Emotions with Somatics

This last month, there's been quite the health scare in my family. Two people were in the hospital and another was sick at home. Everyone is mostly on the mend now, but in the midst of this crisis, I kept hearing people say, “just stay strong.”

While this phrase was shared with the best of intentions, it also made me squirm. Why?

Because “just stay strong” usually implies: don’t worry, don’t cry, keep it together. It also implies that if you feel your emotions, you aren't strong.

When clients have been going through similarly stressful times, I’ve heard them say things like, “I can’t deal with my feelings right now because then the floodgates will open.” Or, “I can’t cry. I need to stay strong for my kids.”

Re-framing Emotions

While I understand these sentiments, I also gently let my clients know the following: it’s not only possible but advisable to feel our emotions in small doses.

This is the middle ground between A) ignoring or not feeling emotions our emotions at all, and B) being stuck in the washing machine with our emotions. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Where your emotions are stuck on spin, and they keep coming, and coming, and coming.

Neither of these extremes is healthy nor productive. And neither allows us to show up in our lives and leadership the way we'd like to.

When I was worried these last few weeks about my loved ones, I knew that if I ignored my emotions, I'd start feeling robotic. This is never pleasant. I also knew that if I didn’t feel my emotions then they’d get stored in my body, which hasn’t worked well for me in the past.

But I didn’t want to get swallowed by my emotions because given the circumstances, they’d be intense.

How to Access & Release Emotions with Somatics

So what did I do?

I gave myself permission to feel the emotions in my body, to accept and allow them, but just for 5-10 minutes at a time. And then, I got on with my day.

(Keep in mind that feeling our emotions is different than thinking about our emotions, or talking about them. If you're feeling your emotions, you're feeling the sensations in your body. It's a somatic, embodied experience.)

As the health scare continued, I did my daily check-in for 5-10 minutes. I also had my weekly somatic session to allow more emotions to surface in a supported environment. Even then though, emotions would surface a few minutes at a time. This is called containment, where emotions are surfacing so they can be felt and released, but it’s still emotions in small and accessible doses.

And that was it.

This practice allowed me to be present for my emotions, to receive their wisdom, and to release them from my body.

For me these last few weeks, “staying strong” has meant feeling my fear, or crying depending on the day, but then getting on with my life. It's meant acknowledging and respecting my emotions and those of others, but not being in the washing machine with them.

This morning during my check-in, I noticed gladness and relief in my body. I’m grateful for these emotions. But more than anything, I’m grateful to know how to feel all of my emotions in small doses. This way, I don’t have to numb them out like I used to, even if others perceived that stoicism as my being strong.

So my invitation for you is this:

Keep it simple when it comes to your emotions. Start with feeling your emotions each day, but just for 5 minutes. And if that feels like too much, start with 2 minutes.

And of course, get help from a skilled practitioner (e.g. a somatic coach or somatic therapist) if you’d like support with this process.

Emotions don't have to be bewildering. While they might not always be comfortable, they can allow us to connect more deeply to ourselves and others. This is what so many of us long for, and for me, it's added texture and vibrancy to my life even during this challenging month.